March 2012
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February 2012
210 posts
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Better.
Still working on it, though.
I got back on track today. Went to the gym this morning for an hour. It felt amazing. I ate less than 1000 calories, barely over 900, and am really tired now.
I don’t feel hungry, which is good. I actually hardly ever “feel” hungry… Or satisfied. It’s just a weird in between…
Got some homework done. Got my midterm score for my...
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This is all bad.
Going to the gym soon. Two hour workout. I’m going to push hard, I think. I need to. I have to.
I have to get the fat to melt off of my body.
Stopped going to the gym for the last three days. Just sorta needed a break, I think. Stressed. My brain was fried and my muscles sore. But now things are ok. No more midterms, just studying for finals. I’ve got tiiiiime. So, I’ll go to...
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This weekend fucking sucked.
Didn’t go to the gym. Ate like a pig. Didn’t vomit enough. Vomited too much. Made my mouth hurt. I’m bloated to shit. Took laxatives.
And probably still gained a million fucking pounds.
Goddammit! Why do I do this to myself? You know what? Fuck it.
I have a midterm today. I’m eating a banana and coffee for breakfast. I’ll have eggs in purgatory before I leave for...
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Anonymous asked: are you afraid of your teeth rotting from the purging? i am.
Anonymous asked: I was reading your "about me." So do you really want it to take over and kill you before you're 25? You want to die before you're 25..? Just asking.
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Anonymous asked: baby, unless you start eting normally, that is eating more than 1000 calries per day, you wont lose much weight. And after you get cured from ur ED and start eating normal again, you'll just gain all weight back. Thats what panneded to me. I gained even more weight. In your situation right now its either get help and tr to stabilize your health/life/weight or slowly die... and the death won...
So I did eat.
And I counted my calories for today. And I figured out how much I should weigh based on my calorie deficit for the last 17 days.
I should weigh ~148 pounds right now.
I’m hoping that I do. I really have no idea. I weighed myself, but it’s a bit inaccurate… Since I just ate and such. But we’ll see. I’m planning out my tomorrow, then off to bed.
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Eating dinner at a friend's house tonight...
A tad nervous about it. Dunno what kind of food we’re eating. But I purged my “lunch”, which was really a mini binge. So, it should be good. I’ve had/kept down roughly 800 calories. No gym today (too sore and tired). I hope I don’t gain weight…
EDIT: We’re eating at Mesa Commons, which is a dining hall. It’s gonna be $12 for me to eat. I might binge...
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Anonymous asked: anon was mean, but i see the point they're trying to make. by eating and stretching your stomach,even if you are getting rid of it straight away, it might make you hungrier. glad you're seeing results from working out though :)
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Interviews!
Today is my third and final interview for a series of jobs that I’m trying to get. Hopefully it goes well. I’m not too interested in this specific job, so I’m not stressed at all about the interview. But It will for sure be nice to be done with the interviews.
Yesterday was my math midterm. I think there was one problem that I fucked up… Right at the end! But, that’s...
miserable-fucking-memoirs asked: Bloody anon! 'How can you eat so much?' Its called having an eating disorder you fuck. Don't feel disheartened, love. You should see how much I can fit in my stomach at one time, seriously.
Anonymous asked: how can you eat so much????? im sorry it just seems so strange that you can fit 2 tacos oreos bread into ur stomach. Maybe thats why r not losing weight? cuz you're stretching ur stomach and it makes u want to eat more. Maybe?
Anonymous asked: reasons why youre not seeing the scale budge: 1) you're eating too little, and your body is conserving every calorie 2) youre going to the gym for just 2 days which isnt very long. You will see results in about 3 weeks if you commit. But if you eat too little and exercise only sometimes, it wont budge
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pastelsandbutterflies asked: Hi there my fellow eating disordered lady. :)) How are u today? Do you also hate the new tumblr policy? I'm not pro-anything though, I just need a place to leave my rants about this disorder. Why would they take this from us? :(
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I was doing so fucking well.
But-then-I-mother-fucking-binged-like-a-fucking-retard
And now I want to kill myself.
I ate ABOUT 4000 calories today. Purged almost 1500 and burned about 500.
That means I’m somewhere in the 2000’s today. Fucking retard. And I wanted my weight to go down. I wanted to see those numbers drop. I wanted to be successful.
But I could never be successful. I’m too fucking fat for...
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149.2
Thank fucking god.
I have to figure out how/what I’m having for lunch.. I wanted a baked potato, but I’m not going to be home… So that idea is like out the fucking window.
I’m eating lucky charms for breakfast… Not sure how that happened, but they’re goooood.
Staying strong! Wish me luck with my interview today?
Have a good day, everyone. <3
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Ughhhh
Michael woke me up and now I can’t get back to sleep!
I made him feel like shit about it, too… Which makes me feel like shit… owel
Been trying to get back to sleep for an hour and it’s just IMPOSSIBLE. So I’m gonna be awake for a bit.
How’s everyone?
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Good Evening.
Worked hard today.
Between exercising and not eating, I’m starting to feel more and more tired… I think my pills might be adding a little bit to it. But I imagine that it isn’t adding too much. Hopefully.
Midterm on Friday. Midterm on Monday. Trying not to stress. Trying to keep my mind and body focused: Don’t eat. Study. Work out. Keep your head straight. Think clearly....
skinnyisohsopretty asked: so i read your about me, and it seems pretty intense whats going on with you. i hope you get out of the binge/purge cycle because its pretty destructive and when i was going through it, i literally got no where. and i always find myself wanting to binge and purge, its so hard not to. but i was curious what your height/cw is? and i live and la and know people at uci!
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